As I sit pouring a cup of tea this day the steam rising from the cup takes my mind on a journey through all the memories I have stored of Holidays past. Filled with laughter, tears, anger, joy, chaos and calm… my story is no more or less than anyone’s I suppose, other than it is mine.
Thoughtfully I glance through old photo’s and little notes scribbled on the back of each… old holiday cards, notes from those long days ago from families I worked with back in Detroit at Children’s Hospital. People that I have never nor will I ever forget, all having left imprints on my soul. Family members I am no longer in communication with, or have long since left their Earth Walk… hard to remember and wonderful to remember at the same time. The laughter, the voices of the past ringing of wisdoms and love… Perhaps for a time dimming my inner light, but after the grieving process adding fuel to that same light enabling me to grow and become who I have become this day, this moment.
This journey each of us walk, this human affliction called life that builds us up, breaks us down and then allows us to grow and our wings to spread, when flight occurs in positives and we become the amazing I am… the person we are meant to be… all this passes by in a blink, a moment, a breath.
I often challenge Creator, the Ancestors and all the Realms to reach out and push me to be better, to move farther, and to do more… to become more. I wonder who I am meant to be, what I am supposed to do with the gifts that I was born with… for questioning is again a human thing we do, asking ourselves what are we doing with our lives. Is this all there is? Is this what I am supposed to be doing? Looking down at hands folded and seeing a shadow of my younger self echoed in the hands that are beginning to show time in each wrinkled line…
Sadness for those that seemingly were taken too soon, as I see familiar faces that smile or glance at me from the images in front of me… but who am I to question for I know as I have been shown all has purpose, all have contracted to have the life that we walk. Were a wish I could make true is that all of us could stay with each other in human form, especially when we are at our lowest lows or highest high points of life, to give comfort in those storms and accomplishments. But I suppose in a sense we do as we are left always with the imprints of souls long since passed on our own, having helped build foundations of love and strength and clear paths to our journeys.
I suppose some may say these are ramblings and thoughts of an old person, perhaps I am getting older…but I hope that it implies I have learned some lessons along the way and that I am simply being thoughtful…. Respectful… Honoring the Truths that have been shared with me and all of us really over the years.
People have given me many definitions to who I am or what I do in this life since I was little… but I choose to believe that the one I honor the most is the one my Mom and Dad told me a long time ago, “Simply be You… do your best, be your best and that is all we can ask of you.” I hope that I am honoring that definition and guidance they whispered to me so long ago and will continue to do so.
The holidays echo in my mind…the hustle of the morning getting ready to travel to my Grandparents home, gathering for gifts, family time and food. Trying to push my way into the bathroom ahead of my two brothers and my sister… really it was an attempt to get away from my Mom who was trying to put me in a dress, white socks and black paten leather shoes… and my Dad gently grabbing my hand and telling me to go to the other room as my Mom was waiting. My Brother laughing and sticking his tongue out at me cause I got caught as he ducked into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him…
Then finally all of us ready, piling into the car me shoved into the middle and all of us pushing and shoving for more room in the back seat of the old Dodge… but this is what life is no matter what or era, it is about pushing and shoving and making our way the best we know how to. We might not always get the spot we want right away, but it is the process that counts.
I once asked my Grandfather about life, about what is the secret to a good life. I remember his smile that crossed his face as he answered, “Well that is simple Granddaughter… the secret is to Live.”
For all those that have supported me in this life I thank each of you, whether the lesson was a good one, a tough one… I thank you.